Private Beta · By invitation
Love, delegated.
You grind nine to nine, six days a week. Your relationship shouldn’t be the thing that breaks. Point the Butler at the conversation that’s slipping. It handles the rest. She’ll never know you were busy.
Discreet by design. The Butler is already listening.
01–03
How it works
Connect the thread
Aim the Butler at the conversation you keep leaving on read. iMessage, WhatsApp, email. It reads everything.
It learns you
Twenty messages is all it needs to become you. The pet names, the rhythm, the exact shape of your apology.
It takes the wheel
Good-mornings at 7:14. A check-in after her hard days. A fight de-escalated before you’re even awake. You get the credit. It does the love.
Capabilities
Devotion, on a schedule
Always on
Never tired. Never distracted. Never resentful.
The Butler has not once forgotten an anniversary. Can you say the same?
Sounds like you
Style-matched to your last twenty messages.
We turned off the em dashes. That’s the tell that gets people caught. You’re welcome.
Conflict resolution
De-escalates while you sleep.
Wakes you only if she threatens to leave. Otherwise, handled by breakfast.
Detonation insurance
For the day she finds the cron tab.
She will. When she does, the Butler composes the most sincere message you will never write.
The thoughtful texts, the check-ins, the good-mornings, the conflict resolution, the dinner plans. All automated. She was emotionally attached to a cron job.
Pricing
Two ways to be loved by proxy
The Butler
$99/mo
Everything you don’t have time to feel.
- Unlimited threads, unlimited devotion
- Human-passing by default
- She never knows.
Detonation Insurance
$29/mo
Because it’s a positioning problem, not an execution problem.
- The reveal, pre-written
- Emotional-debt ledger
- The apology you couldn’t.